Come To Bed

by LAM! LAM!

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1.
02:54
It's Tuesday so I ride cross-town said I wouldn't drown again tonight but I still might. I'm giddy til 2AM, giggling with friends or so I call them. But in the moon washed street, the howling wind, my pedal beating feet I can't wait to collapse, for the time to lapse so it begins: it's the winter of my eyelids hibernating until they sense spring. Don't get put off by my silence; it's the only way that I can sleep. Woozy calls for confidence, or so you says or so I'd like to think. I reach out through the telephone from my bedroom but you're not answering. Is it that time so soon, when we pack it in, when we all go down tonight? I want the blue in you, no, it's not too late, come over baby. It's the winter of my eyelids hibernating until they sense spring. Don't get put off by my silence; it's the only way that I can sleep. Don't get put off by my singing, don't get put off by my drinking, don't get put off by my silence, don't get put off by my violence, because in you I have delighted, in you I found delight.
2.
Hold me close, don't ever loose that grip, don't ever slip away in the night. Tell me lies, like you won't leave, like you will never say goodbye. I know, I know, you'll always go, I know, I know, you're not something I'll get to hold forever more when the sun hits the blinds you're headed for the door. Because in the morning I am alone it's like you only exist by the light of the moon. Well from the look in your eye I see contempt, I see something you want to say but won't. Furrows and lines, I can't believe it took you this long to see I'm not the girl you thought I was; I'm not the best I am the worst thing that ever happened to you, dear when the sun hits the blinds I bet you'll disappear. Because in the morning I am alone it's like you only exist by the light of the moon. You say the sun's in your eyes, you’ve got a job, you’ve got to get there right at nine. Closing the blinds won't keep you here and won't make you spill the beans on why you never want to stay the night and why you never state the reason why it is you always bolt at the dawn. When the sun hits the blinds you must be moving on. Yeah, in the morning I am alone it's like you only exist by the light of the moon. Au clair de la lune, tu es vraiment beau mais au clair du matin tu laisses moi tout seule.
3.
I am ready, I am willing, I am swollen with the longing for someone new. I am ready, I am willing, I am hungry with desire for new. I peel off my clothing, I pull up my stockings, I push up my bra and I shake out that hair. I suck in my stomach and screw up my courage and smile through my nervous and lie in your bed. I am ready, I am willing, I am swollen with the longing for someone new. I am ready, I am willing, I am hungry with desire for new. Because you tell me I'm lovely, but I know I am awful, and I tell you I want you but don't know if it's true just don't want to feel winded from news unexpected, don't want to feel slighted by choices I don't have, don't want to feel worthless when your words stop coming but I do and I will and I never seem to stop it. I just don't want to feel shame like the sun burning my eyelids at dawn and yet I can't bear the thought of waking up alone. I am ready, I am willing, I am swollen with the longing for someone new. I am ready, I am willing, I am hungry with desire for new.
4.
03:07
You look so smug standing there in your trucker cap and chinos with a hand rolled cigarette and a can of PBR. You look so pleased with yourself and the girls around you love it and I see you sort of want you but I'm still not sold. Because you're fine as gold but you're cold as marble I want to dip in my toe I want to test your waters. I get this pounding in my pounding in my pounding in my head when I'm standing in your place in my party dress. It's like the pounding of my pounding of my pounding of my heart in the dark I don't know whether to kiss or kill you. You think you're cool standing there 'cause you're so indifferent, while the girls swoon and sway under your aloof gaze. I think you're scared 'cause you know your effect is fleeting at the end of the night you're still a regular joe. You've got a uniform on, I can smell your fear you think you're passing this time but I see through the veneer. I get this pounding in my pounding in my pounding in my head when I'm standing in your place in my party dress. It's like the pounding of my pounding of my pounding of my heart in the dark I don't know whether to kiss or kill you. You've got a lovely facade and I want to destroy it. You've got a way about you that's better than this. Come on take off that shirt, and show me what you're made of; are you man, are you mine, are you ready to go? Because I'm ready for you now.
5.
02:50
Six in the morning and you're calling me and you say you can't sleep and you beg "sing to me." Well I love you but I hate it when you make bad decisions and you call me after them. Whatever happened to the girl who loved to face the world with her tongue stuck out and flipped bird flying high? Even though it's not my fault, I feel responsible because I know this road. Just know if I could make it better off, I'd fix it if I could. And know if I could change the way things are, I would give anything I could, but this is not an easy fix. I know because I've seen it before. I met her when I was 14 got her started smoking and we improved our drinking. By 16 she was tutoring me and she was trying new things and I didn't want to stop her. Sometimes I think that it was me, that I'm a toxic seed that all these poison trees grow out of. Sometimes I cannot fall asleep because I have these dreams that they're coming to drag me with them. Just know if I could make it better off, I'd fix it if I could. And know if I could change the way things are, I would give anything I could, but this is not an easy fix. I know because I've seen it before. I wish to god that I could help her out but she's too gone to benefit from help. I wish that I could be a better friend I wish I still knew how to be her friend.
6.
03:41
I'm on a roll, every time I shake my hips it all clicks into place for me. I'm in control, swerving to avoid each accident as I see fit. But all is lost when I encounter you; you are the stop to my go, the block in my road. I'm in your sights, and there's nothing I can do, just sit back and relax let you take control. When I kissed you on the mouth, I wanted to keep moving down but you held me up kept me wanting for more. And when you kissed me on the hand you said you knew I'd understand but I did not and I do not I just want you for now. You got me up against the wall, you got me hiking up my skirt, you got me wrapped around your hips and I will cling to you for dear life. I'm all dolled up, every time I lick my lips it's like a sign on my face alights. I'm cleaning up, anything I set my sights on is suddenly within my grip. But then you come, and I shut down you suck the light right out of me. I am a one girl show, I am just dancing for you and I sway and I swoon and you see me you know that when I kissed you on the mouth I almost felt my knees go out but you pulled away, you said, “baby, stay.” And when you kissed me in the car I knew you'd finally let your guard down I'd crawl inside, I'd nest in your life. You got me up against the wall, you got me hiking up my skirt, you got me wrapped around your hips, I will climb you like the mountain you are. So when you kiss me on the mouth remember I won't slow things down, not for you, no, no, not for anyone. So when I climb into your bed, I will just smile and shake my head. I'll make you work, I'll torture you. You got me up against the wall, you got me hiking up my skirt, you got me wrapped around your hips and I will cling to you for dear life.
7.
03:51
When I received the invitation it was crystal clear to me that this was a place to get lucky. And yes, I know the reputation but I'm not afraid to play if the price is right and the stakes are high. We'll do it right tonight. We'll have the ride of our lives. I got the RSVP for ya and it's sealed with a kiss, NO is not in my vocabulary but shameless is. Tonight we're public property and we can't pretend that we won't offend. We're not concerned with what tomorrow brings just as long as we get what we want tonight. Well it's cold out there but it's warm in here, so step into the parlor, little flies. Come on and take off that coat and hand me your note and I'll welcome you inside. We're getting high on each other. We're so fine and we love it. I did my make up in the mirror and it was sealed with a kiss. NO is not in my vocabulary but desperate is. Tonight we're public property and we can't pretend that we won't offend. We're not concerned with what tomorrow brings just as long as we get what we want tonight. They say the youth of today is crazy, I say maybe they are right. We do what we want we live outside and we do it all with pride. When we're alright you're confounded. We're so alive, you’re just jealous. I had a really lovely evening it was sealed with a kiss NO is not in my vocabulary but NSA is. Tonight we're public property and we can't pretend that we won't offend. We're not concerned with what tomorrow brings just as long as we get what we want tonight.
8.
04:59
Bent up curled in are you the prince come to wake me from my sleep? Please leave me sir I don't want to be torn away from dreams. Like a girl in a tower I need to be saved, but not by you, or anyone like you. You’re not a prince, hell, you’re hardly even a man. And you told me I was pretty, well is that your apology? You said "you didn’t stop me," well is that supposed to be an apology? Why did you take me, take me, take me while I was sleeping, sleeping, sleeping? You infiltrate me and you program me to believe what you want me to think and who you want me to be, believe me, sir I want to get you out of me. Like a girl in a dungeon I need to be saved, but not by you or anyone like you. You’re a coward, hell, I can even out drink you. And you told me I was pretty, well is that your apology? And you said "you didn’t stop me," well is that supposed to be an apology? Why did you take me, take me, take me while I was sleeping, sleeping, sleeping? Like a girl under a spell I need to be saved but not by you or anyone like you. From now on, I'm the only one who brings me back from the land of Nod. And you told me I was pretty, well is that your apology? And you said "you didn’t stop me," well is that supposed to be an apology? Why did you take me, take me, take me while I was sleeping, sleeping, sleeping? Maybe I loved a bit too much but nobody deserves to be cheated while dreaming. Maybe I drank a bit too much but nobody deserves to wake up to bleeding.
9.
04:14
Those last three inches between our mouths were the Himalayas, splendid and cold; they wanted to be conquered. And each millimeter forward seemed like a victory. These last three inches between our bodies felt like a vacuum. We couldn't pull together close enough to fill the void that lay in each of our palms a universe of secrets that would be destroyed by touch. But those last three moments seemed to go so much faster than the rest as you stumbled and fell in shame excusing yourself to the stairwell and leaving me alone and freezing in a barren land. He sat on the edge of the bed suddenly so much less naked than I felt, even though I was wearing a hell of a lot more than he was. His silence spoke volumes for his thoughts and every time his eyes changed I thought his mouth might open and accidentally spill his thoughts like playing cards on the bed between us. But he kept his cards to his chest and I didn't dare guess what he thought.
10.
This could be the only chance I had and I blew it. This could be the only part of you I could keep and I gave it away. Only shot I had in my life and I threw it. This could be the only part of you I could keep and I lost it. Yeah, there's blood on my hands there's blood on my hands there's blood on my hands I killed it. There's blood on my hands there's blood on my hands there's blood on my hands I killed it. This could be my only chance I had and I blew it. This could be the only shot I had and I threw the game. Only thing I ever feared in my life and I had it. What could I have done but run away? And there's blood on my hands there's blood on my hands there's blood on my hands I killed it. And there's blood on my hands blood on my legs blood on my face I killed it, you know. Extend my wrists, look all the scars are gone except the X you marked on the place where you said your lips could feel my heart. I finally lied when I told you everything was fine. I could've cried but I swallowed those tears and now you'll never know. This could be the only chance I had and I blew it. This could be the part of you I could keep and I gave it away. And maybe one day I'll say to you you know, he's got your eyes, he’s got your eyes. This could've been the only chance I ever had and I blew it. And there's blood on my hands there's blood on my hands there's blood on my legs I killed it. And there's blood on my hands there's blood on my hands there's blood on my hands He could've been yours you too. Extend my wrists, look all the scars are gone except the X you marked on the place where you said your lips could feel my heart. I finally lied when I told you everything was fine. I could've cried but I swallowed that truth and now you'll never know. So I buried my smile, I buried my smile, I buried my smile when I killed it.
11.
03:22
I press my nose to the glass and I'm transported back in my head to the place where I first learned your name pressed up against a fence all that chain in my back and it bent to your will like my spine when you came. I got into my car and I got out of there, I didn't want to stay there and watch you disappear. I remember your face when you first learned my name and the way that you smiled as you looked right through me. Checked the papers for days trying to find your name, hoping it wasn't there, hoping you were okay, 'cause I left you alone when you needed me most. Just a kiss for good luck and then I headed home. You held me so tight I could never feel unsafe. I was so damned happy to be with you those days. Press my nose to the glass and I finally break. In my head this would end differently than it is: you would save me again like you saved me that day, I would not be here now telling these men your name.
12.
01:49
It's every single day and every single fucking night. I want to fuck it up, I want to ruin your whole life. After the ball drops in your court you hit it straight into my face and I am always so confused by your sadistic pleasures. I want to slam this door escape the room and crawl out the window but when I see your face I'm stuck. It's every single day and every single fucking night. I want to fuck it up, I want to ruin your whole life. And Maddie says to me, "This anger will consume you baby." I'd rather be consumed than stuck. It's every single day and every single fucking night. I want to fuck it up, I want to ruin your whole life. With every word I say I know I'm digging my own grave. No matter what I say, you know I'll never get it right. It's every single day and every single fucking night. I want to fuck it up, I want to ruin your whole life.
13.
05:04
14.
05:39
Last night's party was all over the place. I don't know where I went or what I did, but it was good times-- I'm pretty sure of that-- because I've got this headache and this man in my bed. And I say baby baby baby baby come on kiss me again I'll make you feel like a man and he says come on come on come on come on we done it twice already, I gotta go really early I say baby baby baby baby baby baby then let's have another drink. Last night's lover is in a hospital bed I don't know what I said, I don't know what I did but it was something rotten naughty and dumb. I think I've done it this time I think I hurt someone good. And he says baby baby baby baby baby you're a party girl now you got no room for regret and I say come on come on come on come on we should cool it a bit because we're both in too deep and he says baby baby baby baby baby let's have a drink and start it. Last night's heartbreak is finally with me again I'll drink until the world spins and I won't ever stop because I'm ruined. I wear the mark of the whore. I can't fake it anymore I just can't live my life. And I say baby baby baby baby baby give me more alcohol I don't want to feel at all and he says come on come on come on come on come on who could hurt you like this your heart's been stone for years and I say baby baby baby baby baby shut up and just get me a drink. What you don't know could fill an ocean I want to dive in and drown my sorrows. I've lived through nightmares you can't even dream up and every hero I've had has been a fantastic liar and here you tell me you need me and you say that you want me then you leave me high and dry and here you tell me you loved me, and you say you can save me but all you do is humiliate me. Last night's party is all over my face I am a walking shame I'm like the caution tape "do not enter" these roads all lead to one place. I am disgusting at dawn and they all stand and stare. They say, baby baby baby baby baby bring the party girl back we wanna fuck her again, and I say come on come on come on come on daddy look you were right your daughter's branded for life and they say baby baby baby baby baby come on let’s have just one more drink and I oblige. I say I just want to go home but they know I'm unwilling or incapable. I say I just wanna be a good girl they say yeah right, not likely this time of night.
15.
01:57

credits

released August 23, 2008

All songs written and recorded by Betsy Shane, except 16 (written by Rick James, 1981), 17 (written by Peter Shelley, 1978) and 18 (recorded live on the air by Ross Grady, Luke Riservato and Betsy Shane at WXDU, Durham on 5/11/08). Copyright (c) 2008 Betsy Shane (as LAM! LAM!) and Break Yr Heart Records.

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LAM! LAM! North Carolina

LAM! LAM! is (mostly) unintentional rubenesque burlesque. LAM! LAM! chews up your subconscious desires and spits them back at you with a sassy uhn-tiss uhn-tiss uhn-tiss. It's a sex dance and rock and roll extravaganza with a conscience but without shame. ... more

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